#FireDownBelow
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Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.
Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.
How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.
Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.
Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked,
in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know
it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff
like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the
peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store,
wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint
Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped
them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr.
Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to
put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands
and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove
covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the
sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.
Dove’s
mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down…
there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For
vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter.
And I am ruined! Ruined for the good!
WTF did I just read???
I read the most funniest, raw & WTF story ever from Debra Anastasia & I fucking loved every bit of it!
You want to LOL till you literally piss or shit your pants?
Then read this book!
Dove, Duke, Johnson & the whole gang will have you laughing an asshole while looking like a fucking crazy person & that is perfectly okay.
I'm already wanting more!
Yes you must have a sick twisted mind to read this to get it and if you think you don't have it in you, YOU ARE WRONG!
We all do :)
Don't hold back because Debra Anastasia sure didn't and I would not expect anything less from her!
This is why I love her books!
Winter 2015 needs to get here!
Moments that will forever be stuck in my mind after reading this book:
- When I hear someone fart or I fart myself, I will now always giggle and think of Duke!
- Any body fluids or bathroom functions will have me rolling on the floor laughing because now I will picture different scenarios that happened in this book. tehee
- When I see or hear about prescribed ointments, I will giggle and think what would Johnson say?
-Whenever Olive Garden is mentioned, I will LOL to myself & think "Do I really want to eat there ever?" Answer "Never"
-I've always hated Dirty Water dogs (aka: Hot Dogs) from those carts here living in NYC, but now I will never be able to face one without making a gross face & thinking the worst!
- Craigslist sells some crazy shit! Like seriously never knew until I actually looked up similar stuff mentioned in this book and found it on there! WTF???
- I love cats (I own one) but now I am always questioning their motives...are they really that fucking smart? Fuckers!
- Open Door Policies are made for a reason.....
- Never filter yourself.....it is what makes you YOU!
Must Read!!! Don't miss out!
**ARC kindly provided by the author in exchange for an honest review**
5 Cherries Exploded like Duke's Farts
There are a lot of eyes in Debra
Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring
at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the
kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after
17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are
looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the
cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that
internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.
Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...
Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...
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